You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
