ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
