Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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