I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
