ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
