your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
