there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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