3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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