It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Floor bacon is actually really good
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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