you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize