he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
