You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
