just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
