i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
