He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
