chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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