If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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