sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
