eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize