I only kidnapped one of them. chill
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize