You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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