Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
