dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
