Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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