oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
