I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize