I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
