Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
