6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
