All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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