they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
