Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
