my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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