his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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