do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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