Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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