i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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