you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
