Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
