i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
