ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
