never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
