I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
