Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
