I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
