I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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