the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
