2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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