I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i've created a new STD.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
