guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
