Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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