3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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