Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Dear god my vagina.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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