I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
and i looked up. we had an audience...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
