I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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