We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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