please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
