Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
