You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
