Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
