Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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