i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
