Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
