Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
