I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize