it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How naked do you want me to be?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
