too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
