I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
