matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Found your dick twin last night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
