respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
