I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
