Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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