I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
