I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Randomize
