3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
