Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
