What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
