I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
