Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
