i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
