I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize