So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize