Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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