I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
