I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
