He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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