i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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