I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
