HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
