you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
