So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
