i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
