I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
