Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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