He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
