I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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